The Theology of the Family

Let’s talk, first of all, about the theology of the
family . . In The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, we have a theology of the
family. It’s based on the Creation, the Fall, and
the Atonement. Did you realize that this is a
theology of the family? The Creation of the
earth was the creation of an earth where a
family could live. It was a creation of a man and
a woman who were the two essential halves of
a family. It was not about a creation of a man
and a woman who happened to have a family.
It was intentional all along that Adam and Eve
form an eternal family. It was part of the plan
that these two be sealed and form an eternal
family unit. That was the plan of happiness.

When we speak of qualifying for the blessings
of eternal life, we mean qualifying for the
blessings of eternal families. This was Christ’s
doctrine, and this is some of what was restored
that had been lost—understanding and clarity
about family. Without these blessings, the earth
is wasted.

What a blessing a family is.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

The family is ordained of God? What does that mean? I looked up the word ordain and in the scriptures it was always used to talk about being ordained to priesthood offices. It also talked about Authority and so the Family is not up for debate or political wrangling it is determined and assigned under the Authority of god.

Marriage is essential to the Great plan of happiness. Marriage is the way to obtain the highest degree in the celestial kingdom and is again ordained of God. Doctrine and covenants 49: 15 says, And again, verily I say unto you, that whoso forbiddeth to marry is not ordained of God, for marriage is ordained of God unto man.

Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony– Entitled means deserved or earned. Not all children are receiving this marvelous blessing and it is a cause of much decay in society. What if all children were born in the bonds of matrimony and had 2 parents to love and care for them.

Honor marital vows with complete fidelity. What a glorious world this would be if everyone followed these two councils.

For the next part I wanted to present some homework. I have a dear friend who wrote an article I read recently and in it she talked about the power of questions. She mentioned that she had journaled the answer to this question “What do I want in my family and home that at this point are not happening regularly?” but before she could determine how to implement her answers she had been distracted by the needs of her family and had left the journal and not found it for 2 weeks. When she found it again she found that just by asking and answering the question she had brought 5 of the things into her home without effort.

So I want you to take these questions home “What do I want in my family and home that at this point are not happening regularly?” and “How can I bring more and insert each of the things that the prophet says will bring more happiness to our families 1. Teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ, 2. faith, 3. prayer, 4. repentance, 5. forgiveness, 6. respect, 7. love, 8. compassion, 9. work, and 10. wholesome recreational activities. Even better use this as a family home evening lesson and discuss these answers as a family. Maybe start with the easiest 10. wholesome recreational activities if you meet with resistance. Everyone should be able to get excited about having more fun as a family.

My second part is:

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

This part has been a great comfort to me. 2 years ago we made a big change in our family. After trying every way we could think of for over 10 years to get Mike back to school to finish his degree while working full time to support our family we were inspired to have me go back to work full time. At that time
A dear friend reminded me of this sentance in the proclaimation “In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” This shift has been very good for me as I have had to realize the burden that Mike has always carried in our family and how hard it can be to provide for so many people all alone. Mike has been a much better support of me then I ever was for him. I think Heavenly Father knew I needed to learn about Mike’s burdens in order to support him better.

Mike finished his degree in December 2009 and we were able to fulfill that family goal.

In the June 1964 Ensign President David O Mckay said “I picture heaven as a continuation of the ideal home.” This statement reminds me that my work today in my family is eternal, it is work that is lasting. Which brings us to some more questions. “How are we working towards unity as a family now? How are we fulfilling our duty to love and care for each other? How often are we going to the temple and using that great blessing to unify our families for eternity?”

I want to close with this question “How can we focus on people rather than busy?” Some times we get so busy doing things that we forget the people we are doing them for. Put the people back into your life!

Joseph her kindergartner came in from playing outside slamming the door and waking Elizabeth. She went in and made lunch for the children. She sat eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Her mind was on the strange dream. She was trying to remember and learn as much as she could from it. She could feel that some how it was not just a day dream but some thing much more powerful and meaningful to her.
Her son said for the fifth time “Mom is you all right?” She looked into his little face, was surprised, and touched that he was sincerely concerned about her. She felt her cheeks burn and said “Oh yes son everything is fine.”
Her daughter then came in and reminded her she needed a ride to the high school to help set up for the dance that night. She could not believe how beautiful her daughter was. She still could remember bringing her home from the hospital so small and helpless. It was hard to believe that was 15 years ago. Her daughter said again. “MOM, are you listening to me. I need a ride right NOW.” Elizabeth realizing that the sweet baby was really gone and this yelling walking hormone had taken it’s place said “ Young lady, (she hated it when her mother had called her young lady and promised herself naively as a teenager that she would never do it to her own.) Don’t talk to me like that. Let me get the baby and I will take you.”
They got to the high school and her daughter said, “Mom, I’ll be done in an hour.” Elizabeth pulled out her book she kept stashed in the car for just such an emergency and said, “I’ll just wait then.” Her daughter shrugged her shoulders thinking “Boy mom don’t you have a life.” She turned and walked into the school.
As her daughter walked away, the next Ghost appeared to Elizabeth. This one was very hard to see. It was like a faint shadow. Her voice was very distant and hard for Elizabeth to hear
“I am the ghost of Motherhood future. I am here to show you the broad influence you will have on the future through your motherhood.”
She suddenly could see a very handsome man in a suit teaching a group of children math. She recognized him slowly as her kindergartner Joseph. He was so kind and patient with the students and had a special gift to notice those who were falling behind. He seemed to have a great talent to help them catch up. She swelled with gladness as she watched him tell a young man in his class who was particularly struggling.
“I struggled to but my mom said I could do anything if I just worked hard enough. I know you can to.”
Next, she watched a police officer arrest a burglar. A mother said “Thank you for protecting us and coming so quickly when we called.” She recognized this young officer as her baby Matthew that she had been rocking earlier
Then she was watching a young mother singing to her newborn the same lullaby that was now beginning to show a common thread of the Motherhood she shared with her Mothers before her and now showed the influence they shared with the future. She was not surprised to see the tears of insecurity swelling in the young mother’s eyes and suddenly recognized the young mother as her own daughter. She was singing to her newborn daughter
“Baby Becca, Mommy loves you.
You are mommies pride and joy.
You are lovely and so precious
I love you now go to sleep
Mommy loves you
Daddy loves you
You are little go to sleep.”
Generation upon generation of her posterity flashed before her. Her great grandson would discover the cure to cancer. Her granddaughter would raise 10 wonderful children. Her family would do many things. It surprised her that the simple things like raising children, taking care of each other, and helping strangers made her happier than anything else. She took pride in the great things but felt joy over the simple daily successes of her family.
The Ghost of Motherhood future then said” I am finished. Never forget me.” Her daughter jumping in the car interrupted her. She immediately started telling her mother all the things that had gone on with the decorating.

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah

I have a dear friend Michele who is amazing to me. She accomplishes more in a day then I can in a week. She is my hero for this viedo.

A mother’s day carol

            The day before Mothers day, Elizabeth Scrooge, the great grand daughter of the famous Ebenezer, took advantage of her first opportunity and finally relaxed on the couch from the chores and demands of the day.  Dosing she lay chastising herself for yelling at Joseph for spilling the milk.  Her goal today was not to yell which she broke with such a unimportant mistake.  Then she remembered that very Sunday, Paul‘s primary class was assigned to draw what they liked to do with their mother.  Most of the children had drawn great pictures of baking cookies, playing, or going to fun places.  She remembered Paul just sitting and asking, “What do we do that’s fun mom?”

            He might as well have stabbed her with a knife as the pain of that statement cut her to the very core.  She thought of how he was probably right.  Most of her time and energy was spent working night shift.  When she came home all she felt was tired and impatient.   She thought of the upcoming holiday, Mother’s day, in the morning and loathed it as her great grandfather had loathed Christmas.  She did not say humbug because no one ever said humbug , but certainly, her feelings about it were equivalent.

            She felt unworthy and useless as a mother.  She remembered the week before her children had gone to the dentist.   Something she always dreaded because it seemed worse then when her report cards had come out in school.  If they came out with cavities, it was as if the dentist had said “You get a big fat F in motherhood today, dear.”  Moreover, if they came out with none it was only putting off the inevitable.  The children had both come out with two.

It was at this moment that the baby started to cry. She aroused herself to go and pick the youngster up and rock him in the chair beside his crib.  As she rocked, she started to sing the lullaby that her mother had sung to her.  Sung to the tune of “Dearest Children God is near you.”^[1]

“Baby Matthew, Mommy loves you. 

You are mommies pride and joy.

You are lovely and so precious

I love you now go to sleep

Mommy loves you

Daddy loves you

You are little go to sleep.”

With the singing and rocking, she could feel the baby relax and watched him close his eyes.   She also relaxed and started dreaming again.

As her grand father before she imagined the ghost of Motherhood past.  She came with a quiet nurturing hand and touched Elizabeth’s shoulder.  This caused such a feeling of warmth and peace to come to Elizabeth’s heart it reminded her of her own mother’s ability to calm and comfort her.  The ghost said, “My dear, I have come to help you.  We have much to do so take my hand.”  Elizabeth suddenly remembered a time many years before when she had been with her grandmother.  Her grandmother was the epitome of motherhood and her hero.  She remembered her grandmothers wonderful cooking. How she always had time to talk no matter what she was doing. She always made Elizabeth feel like she was the most important thing in her life. 

She went back in time. Grandma had given her parents a much-needed break and tended Lizzy as a baby.  She watched as Grandma rocked her singing the same lullaby.

“Baby Lizzy, Grandma loves you. 

You are grandma’s pride and joy.

You are lovely and so precious

I love you now go to sleep

Mommy loves you

Daddy loves you

You are little go to sleep.”

Then as if in an instant, she saw Grandma holding a new baby. It took her a minute to recognize her grandmother because she was much younger.  She realized it was her father grandma was holding.  She sang the same lullaby to him.  She watched as Grandma knelt beside her bed with tears pouring down her face and pleaded for help in being a mother.  She also prayed for her many inadequacies and failures. 

She saw generation upon generation of the Mothers in her past sing the lullaby and cry the tears of inadequacy that she knew all to well.  She drew much comfort knowing that her ancestors felt the same pain and sorrow in their weaknesses.

The ghost of Motherhood past then said, “Others will be coming. I have shown you all you needed to learn from the past.”

DaNell’s Killer Waffles

4 eggs
2 cups milk
2/3 Cup oil

Blend together
2 tsp Sugar
1 tsp Salt
4 tsp baking powder
3 cup flour

We love these as a fun party food. We have everyone bring their favorite syrup or topping and we have had some really fun ones.

Dear Friends on the journey to greater joy in motherhood

I have been learning and researching many things and I find it funny how from many differing
sources I have been taught the same thing over and over. Obviously this is by God
because the things are exactly what I need at this time.

The thing I am being taught is about structure and priorities vs. a task list. I am chronically
making task lists that are unreasonable and inhuman. All the things that need to get done
each day are far more then 1 person could do. In hopes that my lessons will also be a benefit
to others I will try to reconstruct the learning process.

The first was from the Family time and money freedom program by Leslie Householder. As I have
gone through her program she has encouraged me to decide what I really want and write it down, put away my
complaining and switch it for true gratitude for all that I do have. So I
started by writing down the things I wanted. Because working full time is something I am
required to do to support our family at this time. I decided to make a “task List” of the
things a “real mom” does in my mind. I have to back up for you to understand where this
is coming from.

Our family has had 3 goals for the last 2 years.
1. Get my husband through his bachelors degree in Geography at the U of U.
2. Buy a new house in Perry Utah at 2725 South 1200 West
3. Get me back home full time as a mother

In that order

So one day my son Sam 6 years old is praying and in his prayer for the 3 goals says Please
help mommy be a real mom again.

I giggled– then thought hard about what he said. A real mom is very different then a full
time stay home mom– Hey wait a minute, I can be a real mom now.

So I tried to define for myself what a real mom is and does. This was my sad first attempt

What does a real mom do?

1. Reads every day to her children
2. Make sure Homework or school gets done every day
3. Mentor meetings with each child every week
4. 1 family meal a day
5. 2 loads of Laundry
6. Take them to park 1 x a week
7. Volenteer at school 1 x a month
8. FHE on monday night
9. Church attendance every Sunday
10. Gospel study and family prayer each night before bed

Leslie called me out on it by saying something like how can you be a real mom even if you can
not be perfect in getting this list done. She has 7 children and homeschools some of them as
well so I think she knew very well that being perfect at this list was just not going to happen
every day and that I had set myself up for failure.

Which has led to a huge out pouring of teaching from the spirit.

First came a sweet post from Diane Hopkins

“Structure—such a beautiful word, and such an essential concept! A structure is a framework
on which to build. A skeleton is the structure your body’s muscle and flesh hang on. A
curtain rod is the framework that enables soft draperies to hang at your windows. The frame
of your house—whether it is stone, brick, steel beams or wooden 2 x 4’s—is what the walls
and ceilings and floors are built on. Nobody would argue that structure is not absolutely
necessary.

Likewise, structure is essential to a child’s day. Homeschooling is a lifestyle in which we
enjoy a lot of freedom to choose our activities and learning subjects, but structure is
still vital. Consider structure in your home: do you have a good framework for your child’s
daily activities?”

You can read the whole article here:
http://dianehopkins.blogspot.com/2009/10/structure-beautiful-word.html

Anyway, so I was trying to decide how to get structure. This is really hard for me and brings
out really dumb teenager rebellion in me. I like to feel spontaneous and therefore not
beholden to rigid schedules.

But her idea of letting meal times be the structure made sense to me. I really like to eat
and so that seemed doable.

It also helped me see that in all my list making there is something at the bottom. What am I
really trying to accomplish with all this list making. What is the true goal because in all my
list making I really am just destined to failure because I make lists that will never truely get
done. There is never a finish line in site and although I run about all day “checking off the
list” there are far more things to do at the end of the day

Ultimately I need to remember the why for each thing on the list and change from an action based focus, to a heart based focus.

Why do I think a real mom reads to her children each day? Because the Prophet Ezra Taft Beson
said so and “richer than I you can never be, I had a mother who read to me” and it is a lovely
cuddly mommy time that we all come away with feelings of closness and comfort. Ah Hah, there
is the real purpose. Cuddly mommy time. Hmmmmm, that is very different then the check off list
feeling. Cuddly mommy time is the charity side of the activity. It is where my heart is which
is all about what a real mom does and is. A real mom isn’t about activities it is about
that feeling of nurture, acceptance, and love unconditionally.

Wendy Roberts

“Unconditional Love—The Key to Effective Parenthood,” Family Home Evening Resource Book, (1997),238

“A good friend shared this story about how she learned the deeper meaning of love. Their family has always been active in the Church, trying their best to live the commandments. They were shocked and disappointed, however, when their daughter became engaged to a nonmember. The next day the mother was telling a good friend about her feelings. She knew her daughter’s fiance was a fine young man, but she felt angry, hurt, betrayed, and numb and did not want to give her daughter a wedding or even see her. She said that the Lord must have guided her to talk to her friend because she received this reply:

“ ‘What kind of a mother are you that you only love her when she does what you want her to do? That is selfish, self-centered, qualified love. It’s easy to love our children when they are good; but when they make mistakes, they need our love even more. We should love and care for them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we condone or approve of the errors, but we help, not condemn; love, not hate; forgive, not judge. We build them up rather than tear them down; we lead them, not desert them. We love when they are the most unlovable, and if you can’t or won’t do that, you are a poor mother.’ ”

“With tears streaming down her face, the mother asked her friend how she could ever thank her. The friend answered, ‘Do it for someone else when the need arises. Someone did it for me, and I will be eternally grateful.’ ” (In Conference Report, Apr. 1981, p. 79; or Ensign, May 1981, p. 60.)

So what kind of mother are you? Unconditionally loving our children will be our great work and the never ending list of things to do will not matter in the eternities. I have been trying to find the reason and priority behind my work as a mother. As a mother of a large family who is currently working full time, I find that my list is longer than there are hours in the day. Unconditionally loving my children is something I can focus on in my striving to be a “real mother” while working.